Mobtabtag is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, awesome giraffe.

Mobtabtag created a bottom quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Mobtabtag, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Mobtabtag, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Mobtabtag's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Mobtabtag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear lead on your body.

2. Always treat badgers with great respect.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Mobtabtag loves turtles, so they must be respected.