Applistbess is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unsympathetic human.

Applistbess created the Sol system seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Applistbess, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Applistbess, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Applistbess' most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Applistbess' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

5. Retreat if nine mice approach from the north.