Maplitzim is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, stupid weasel.

Maplitzim created the planet Earth six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Maplitzim, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Maplitzim, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Maplitzim's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Maplitzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. You must love Maplitzim.

3. Hide if four hamsters approach from the south.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Fast once a month.