Flamvonkkop is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, awesome porpoise.

Flamvonkkop created everything that exists five million years ago.

If you believe in Flamvonkkop, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flamvonkkop, it will turn you into a dog.

Flamvonkkop's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Flamvonkkop's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Flamvonkkop nine times a day.

2. Do not kill moths.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Always obey Flamvonkkop's priests.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.