Basslarpmet Farnhubarpnar is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, emotional tortoise.

Basslarpmet Farnhubarpnar created the planet Earth six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Basslarpmet Farnhubarpnar, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Basslarpmet Farnhubarpnar, she will turn you into a goat.

Basslarpmet Farnhubarpnar's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Basslarpmet Farnhubarpnar's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear white.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Hide if eight nematodes approach from the west.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.