Absabaf is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, merciful eagle.

Absabaf created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Absabaf, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Absabaf, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Absabaf's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Absabaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest brown.

2. Always help doves in need.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

5. Never talk about amino acids.