Gigfettonvog is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, humane swan.

Gigfettonvog created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gigfettonvog, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gigfettonvog, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Gigfettonvog's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Gigfettonvog's Holy Commandments

1. Sharks are not to be trusted.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not kill geese.

4. Hide if nine voles approach from the south.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.