Haddamlig is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, narcissistic hippopotamus.

Haddamlig created water five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haddamlig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Haddamlig, she will turn you into a goat.

Haddamlig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Haddamlig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Always help sick otters.

3. Always look after injured cats.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help sheep in need.