Witcebveen is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, stupid dugong.

Witcebveen created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Witcebveen, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Witcebveen, she will send minions to preach to you.

Witcebveen's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Witcebveen's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Retreat if seven geese approach from the east.