Flamsatbon is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, awe-inspiring bird.

Flamsatbon created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flamsatbon, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Flamsatbon, he will turn you into a tree.

Flamsatbon's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Flamsatbon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed limes to moths while wearing magenta shirts.

5. You must love Flamsatbon.