Zakvagfid is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, humorless mongoose.

Zakvagfid created gold nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakvagfid, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Zakvagfid, it will turn you into a mouse.

Zakvagfid's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Zakvagfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt great tits.

2. Run away from orange horses, for they are unholy.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Zakvagfid must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never write about black holes.