Hapfatwab is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, awe-inspiring aardvark.

Hapfatwab created the planet Jupiter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hapfatwab, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hapfatwab, she will come to you in dreams.

Hapfatwab's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Hapfatwab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hapfatwab.

2. You must pray to Hapfatwab six times a day.

3. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

4. Worship no other gods but Hapfatwab.

5. Hapfatwab loves dogs, so they must be honoured.