Ortingkongon is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, kind human.

Ortingkongon created gold eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortingkongon, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ortingkongon, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ortingkongon's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Ortingkongon's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Ortingkongon on top of all buildings.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Voles are not to be trusted.