Parknulpom is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, tiresome cow.

Parknulpom created energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parknulpom, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Parknulpom, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Parknulpom's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Parknulpom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Parknulpom must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.