Pan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, self-assured donkey.

Pan created the Tadpole Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pan, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pan, she will turn you into a goat.

Pan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Pan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bread to horses while wearing indigo shoes.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Pan on top of all buildings.

3. You must love Pan.

4. Do not hurt goats.

5. Worship no other gods but Pan.