Ladspaglarn is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, confident cow.

Ladspaglarn created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladspaglarn, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ladspaglarn, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Ladspaglarn's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Ladspaglarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear titanium on your body.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never paint your hands black.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.