Vanhakquim is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, unfair cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Vanhakquim created the Sombrero Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanhakquim, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vanhakquim, it will turn you into a slug.

Vanhakquim's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Vanhakquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to turtles while wearing turquoise skirts.

2. Hide if nine cats approach from the east.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Horses are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always look after injured capybaras.