Vonxenflam is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, charitable snail.

Vonxenflam created silver seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonxenflam, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vonxenflam, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Vonxenflam's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Vonxenflam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

2. Always help sick manatees.

3. Hide if three dogs approach from the south.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.