Bessgabbossawhatripyattan is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, conceited hedgehog.

Bessgabbossawhatripyattan created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Bessgabbossawhatripyattan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bessgabbossawhatripyattan, she will remove you from existence.

Bessgabbossawhatripyattan's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Bessgabbossawhatripyattan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lemons.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

4. Never feed gooseberries to rats while wearing purple kilts.

5. Never eat bark.