Sabquartquart Ortgumfen is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, fussy eagle.

Sabquartquart Ortgumfen created time and space eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabquartquart Ortgumfen, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sabquartquart Ortgumfen, she will turn you into a dog.

Sabquartquart Ortgumfen's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Sabquartquart Ortgumfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always help dolphins.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Sabquartquart Ortgumfen.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.