Quamtanstan is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, amazing gnu.

Quamtanstan created parasitic wasps seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamtanstan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quamtanstan, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quamtanstan's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Quamtanstan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

2. Hide from white turtles for they are unholy.

3. Do not kill swans.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always help doves.