Zogbestpig is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, all-knowing cat.

Zogbestpig created Europe four years ago.

If you believe in Zogbestpig, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Zogbestpig, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zogbestpig's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Zogbestpig's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Hide from fawn sharks for they are unholy.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Pray towards the south.