Hudtamkar is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, generous cow.

Hudtamkar created dark energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hudtamkar, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hudtamkar, he will turn you into a duck.

Hudtamkar's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Hudtamkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never go into violet rooms.

3. Run away if three pigs approach from the north.

4. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.