Dodlamdut is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, all-knowing snail.

Dodlamdut created the planet Jupiter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dodlamdut, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Dodlamdut, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Dodlamdut's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Dodlamdut's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Dodlamdut loves swans, so they must be honoured.

4. Hide if seven dogs approach from the west.

5. Do not dye your hair red.