Tettitanfit is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, ill-tempered monkey.

Tettitanfit created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettitanfit, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tettitanfit, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tettitanfit's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Tettitanfit's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Do not take Tettitanfit's name in vain.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never talk about moons.