Ontkipkab Jarntafben Hugquamcud is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, awe-inspiring dolphin.

Ontkipkab Jarntafben Hugquamcud created the planet Saturn three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontkipkab Jarntafben Hugquamcud, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ontkipkab Jarntafben Hugquamcud, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Ontkipkab Jarntafben Hugquamcud's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Ontkipkab Jarntafben Hugquamcud's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not hurt sharks.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. You must pray to Ontkipkab Jarntafben Hugquamcud six times a day.