Zagstaftaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, smart walrus.

Zagstaftaf created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Zagstaftaf, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Zagstaftaf, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Zagstaftaf's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Zagstaftaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands mauve.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never sit near ducks.

5. Always stare at clouds.