Vonkkikfas is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, sapient narwhal.

Vonkkikfas created a charm quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkkikfas, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Vonkkikfas, he will be very unhappy.

Vonkkikfas' most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Vonkkikfas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Put Vonkkikfas first in all things.