Nurtafcen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, boastful gorilla.

Nurtafcen created a Higgs boson five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtafcen, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nurtafcen, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Nurtafcen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Nurtafcen's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

4. Never wear pink rings.

5. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.