Nurtlarpcut is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, happy walrus.

Nurtlarpcut created the Sol system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtlarpcut, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurtlarpcut, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Nurtlarpcut's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Nurtlarpcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt moths.

2. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not stand on grass.