Mapponwat is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, weak pig.

Mapponwat created parasitic wasps nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Mapponwat, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mapponwat, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Mapponwat's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Mapponwat's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Mapponwat.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never feed oranges to cats while wearing yellow scarves.