Homweefon is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, thoughtless crab.

Homweefon created a quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Homweefon, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Homweefon, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Homweefon's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Homweefon's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never mention tortoises.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Homweefon.

5. Never think ill of sick swans.