Zak is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, duplicitous rat.

Zak created the planet Venus seven million years ago.

If you believe in Zak, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Zak, he will turn you into a sheep.

Zak's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Zak's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zak.

2. Never paint your chest yellow.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.