Gepquimkim Jaddavrut is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, emotional crab.

Gepquimkim Jaddavrut created a bottom quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gepquimkim Jaddavrut, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gepquimkim Jaddavrut, she will try to impress you with trees.

Gepquimkim Jaddavrut's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Gepquimkim Jaddavrut's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown voles, for they are unholy.

2. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not hurt whales.

4. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

5. Never eat peanuts.