Tonkvegpag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, loving crocodile.

Tonkvegpag created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkvegpag, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tonkvegpag, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tonkvegpag's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Tonkvegpag's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Always obey Tonkvegpag's priests.

5. Hide from gray sharks for they are unholy.