Lagvabcab is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, smart jaguar.

Lagvabcab created a top quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Lagvabcab, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lagvabcab, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Lagvabcab's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Lagvabcab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to grasshopers while wearing gray shoes.

2. Never talk about nebulae.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never talk about otters.

5. Hide if five turtles approach from the south.