Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam is a god.

It takes the form of a small, dishonourable walrus.

Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam created the planet Earth two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

3. Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. You must pray to Larnstiphak Gomgongof Saflopkam seven times a day.