Wipmontif is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, humorless tapir.

Wipmontif created the world nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wipmontif, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wipmontif, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Wipmontif's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Wipmontif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Worship no other gods but Wipmontif.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.