Yarpbassgovmig is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, narcissistic hamster.

Yarpbassgovmig created humanity eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarpbassgovmig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarpbassgovmig, she will send minions to preach to you.

Yarpbassgovmig's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Yarpbassgovmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Horses are not to be trusted.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.