Nillvagmethaszakfarpon Nartcuncem is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, temperamental hyena.

Nillvagmethaszakfarpon Nartcuncem created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nillvagmethaszakfarpon Nartcuncem, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nillvagmethaszakfarpon Nartcuncem, she will turn you into a sheep.

Nillvagmethaszakfarpon Nartcuncem's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Nillvagmethaszakfarpon Nartcuncem's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of ants.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Always help sick tapirs.

5. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.