Gomzenlen is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, amazing monkey.

Gomzenlen created energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gomzenlen, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gomzenlen, he will manifest in front of you.

Gomzenlen's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Gomzenlen's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.