Bonkzanquart is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciless hamster.

Bonkzanquart created the world eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkzanquart, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bonkzanquart, it will turn you into a mouse.

Bonkzanquart's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bonkzanquart's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bonkzanquart three times a day.

2. Never talk about cats.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Worship no other gods but Bonkzanquart.