Pasyimrut is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, irritating dugong.

Pasyimrut created humankind six billion years ago.

If you believe in Pasyimrut, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Pasyimrut, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Pasyimrut's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Pasyimrut's Holy Commandments

1. Snakes are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not speak about turnips.