Fenlagvag is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, stupid dove.

Fenlagvag created bats eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fenlagvag, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fenlagvag, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Fenlagvag's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Fenlagvag's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat gulls with great respect.

2. Do not wear green clothing.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help capybaras in need.