Flowgomnan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate squirrel.

Flowgomnan created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flowgomnan, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flowgomnan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flowgomnan's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Flowgomnan's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry doves.

2. Never go into fawn rooms.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.