Dossdumfigcumbissomincadgom Lamhatsin is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, duplicitous dog.

Dossdumfigcumbissomincadgom Lamhatsin created the planet Saturn eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dossdumfigcumbissomincadgom Lamhatsin, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dossdumfigcumbissomincadgom Lamhatsin, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Dossdumfigcumbissomincadgom Lamhatsin's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Dossdumfigcumbissomincadgom Lamhatsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt birds.

2. Do not eat turnips.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. You must pray to Dossdumfigcumbissomincadgom Lamhatsin eight times a day.