Gan is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, witty coyote.

Gan created a down quark four years ago.

If you believe in Gan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gan, she will turn you into a puffin.

Gan's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Gan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at comets.

2. Never hurt great tits.

3. You must love Gan.

4. Gulls are not to be trusted.

5. Always make sure there are no rats in a room before entering it.