Flattitcam is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unthinking bear.

Flattitcam created a quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flattitcam, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Flattitcam, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Flattitcam's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Flattitcam's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls in need.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never feed grapes to rats while wearing violet rings.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.