Xucweefunkap is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, generous dugong.

Xucweefunkap created Mount Everest two years ago.

If you believe in Xucweefunkap, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Xucweefunkap, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Xucweefunkap's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Xucweefunkap's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not drink alcohol.