Flabmatcun is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, slow walrus.

Flabmatcun created a bottom quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flabmatcun, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flabmatcun, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Flabmatcun's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Flabmatcun's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

4. Never run in the presence of shrews.

5. Do not cook food in pots.